Sorry for the lack of posts recently, had loads going on!!
The biggest issue on my mind is Jack. As I’m sure you’ll remember from my post about him things haven’t been easy for him and they aren’t really getting much better.
He is becoming more isolated at school and I am having to listen to him telling me more often that other kids have said their parents have told them to not play with Jack. Whilst I can appreciate the parents point of view to a point what I don’t appreciate is my boy being made to feel so sad all the time. It doesn’t seem to matter why he does the things he does people just assume he is a ‘bad egg’ because he does it. The thing that really annoys me is the fact parents seem to forget everything they don’t want a child to repeat they will, so, when they tell their child that Jack isn’t allowed to their party or to play with them because he is a bully you can be sure that their child is going to go straight to school and inform Jack! What upsets me is the way some of these children have done it, rubbing his nose in it, taunting him because he isn’t allowed to go to a party but everyone else is, then they all go to school talking about said party whilst Jack just sits there and listens to all the fun all his ‘friends’ had at so and so’s party. The parents don’t see this from Jacks side or my side. How would they feel knowing their child has had to sit and listen to this knowing that he couldn’t go because of how the PARENTS feel about something that he cannot control and is part of who he is? They would be heartbroken just like I am every time my boy sits and asks me why none of his friends like him, why does his friends mum and dad call him a bully and want so and so to stay away from him. He cries, he gets angry and he gets frustrated because he doesn’t understand. What these parents aren’t aware of or choose to ignore is that they and their child aren’t always innocent when it comes Jacks behaviour. Recently there was an incident at school, that the school rung me about just after it happened as they felt I should know about it right away. Jack was doing his work when he ‘suddenly’ lashed out at another student. Jack was in a state afterwards so was left to calm down. Once calm he was asked why he did it, his answer was ‘so and so kept calling me a bully and retard, I asked them to stop but they wouldn’t and I got upset’. Fair enough, but, violence isn’t and wasn’t the way to deal with it however. When the teacher asked the other child why they called him that, their answer was, ‘that’s what my dad said, he said all bullys are retards’. The school promised me they had called the parents in for a meeting about this and it will be dealt with promptly and it was. I have no idea who this was as by the time Jack got out of school he couldn’t remember who it was but it just proved who it is that is really judging my boy.
I understand that if your child is constantly coming home saying so and so hit this person or kicked off again at school you are going to question your child being near them, its natural parenting instinct which, I have too, BUT when any of my kids come and tell me someone is always naughty, did this, did that I don’t say stay away they’re a bully, I tell them whilst they are being aggressive stay away and tell an adult if there isn’t one there already.
If adults are allowed to loose their temper once in a while why aren’t children? We don’t call adults bullies if they have an argument with another adult, we usually praise them for standing up for themselves. We are allowed to feel depressed, angry and upset as adults so why not children? Even children without issues feel like this from time to time but the minute they express it, parents label it as bad behaviour and tell them off. Why is it naughty to be cross or sad or frustrated and express that. Our jobs as parents isn’t to tell children its naughty to feel these things its our job to show them how to express these feeling in a non aggressive manner. This isn’t as easy when a child like Jack doesn’t understand why things that don’t make other people angry, sad or scared make him feel these things. He often asks why other kids aren’t scared of loud noises but he his or why he gets angry over spelling a word wrong but other kids don’t, I can’t explain why just like other parents cannot explain it to their children, however, what we ALL as parents can explain to our children is being UNDERSTANDING. Instead of teaching our children to be judgemental we should be teaching our children to be understanding. We can help them realise that everyone is different and that some children find it harder to deal with things than others. Instead of calling someone a baby, bully, bad egg or retard when you find out they cried because they spelt a word wrong why not teach your child that perhaps its because they don’t understand that it doesn’t matter and it can be easily fixed so they get upset so instead of teasing them if they helped them or told an adult it may help them and cheer them up and make the child feel better. This world would be a far better place in the future if parents didn’t pass their judgements on to their children.
Judgement is learnt, no one is born judgemental.