Being a mum with bipolar

Down days

I seem to be having these a lot more recently, I think its down to the weather change and time of year.

I have different levels of down days, there is the can’t be arsed to move days, cry and take offence to everything days and the my life is crap nothing goes right days. Yesterday was a mixture of all 3.  I cried when I couldn’t get out of bed and Skie had to help because my hips were playing up, I cried because I couldn’t find the clothes I wanted to wear and I cried because we had run out of painkillers. I even rung Tom in tears just because I wanted someone to talk to and felt lonely.

It is horrible being like it because when Tom asks whats wrong and why I am so emotional I can’t give him an answer because I have no idea, I just want to spend the day crying and hiding. I also get really agitated and snappy so then that causes fall outs between me and everyone else in the house. A lot of the time when I am like it I don’t do a lot, if anything, round the house so after a day of the twins destroying things and playing, the house is a state so Tom gets cross as he has to do everything I should’ve done as well as go to work. I fully understand why he gets worked up over it and we argue as after all I have spent all day doing nothing as he has been out to work but I can’t help it, once I am in that mind set I just can’t motivate myself to do anything or I think to myself ‘I’ll do it in a bit’ and never do. These days always seem to drag and it feels like I am in this state for weeks but according to Tom is usually passes after 3 or 4 days and then I have to spend the next week catching up on washing etc and making it up to everyone as I have been horrible to live with. It can’t be easy for them to put up with someone where everything is negative no matter what happens and I am sure it rubs off so everyone ends up miserable.

I am aware of how much my moods affect the entire house but no matter how hard I try and hide it, it always surfaces and it is usually Tom that gets the brunt of it. I can say really mean and hurtful things to him or not talk to him at all, I know how pissed off I’d be if he did that to me for no reason so for him to have put up with it all these years I must be doing something right!

Thanks for reading, would love to hear ur feedback xxx

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