People of the bipolar community often ask each other what their ‘triggers’ are so we can avoid talking about that particular subject as to not upset anyone. I have been asked on numerous occasions what mine are and I can never answer a clear answer. Well I have been thinking about it and despite the stresses of running a house, kids, and having a partner I barely see, I would say my biggest trigger is Facebook. Yep you read right, Facebook. I check my facebook a lot, write statuses, post pics of the kids and share quotes etc but reading my newsfeed can and does trigger me.
I can usually catogorize people in to 3 things. You have the negative people where nothing is ever right and everyones against them, the positive people where everything is perfect and nothing ever goes wrong and the ‘normal’ people where they have good and bad days but get on with it.
You have the people that always write something negative, that the world is against them, nothing ever goes right then on the odd occasion you see them write a positive one only for them then to comment something negative on it 2 mintutes later. This triggers me because basically I get fed up with seeing it and it frustrates me and the negativity rubs off on me. I think to myself of all the things this person does in their day the one thing they pick to write about is the negative. They also like to share lots of sad videos and quotes about peoples lives being hard etc and those trigger me and depress me even more. There could’ve been hundreds of positive things the could write about but they always choose the negative. I call these people the ‘eeyores’ and nowadays they are hidden from me feed as it just gets to me and causes me to be in a foul mood.
Then you have the complete opposite, someone whose life is perfect, house is like a show home, kids that never misbehave and a partner that spoils them rotten. They do trigger me as well but not as much, it does depress me when I see so and so write their partner surprised them with a holiday or their kids were up and dressed by 8 blah blah blah but I shouldn’t really get annoyed as they are just doing what I want the depressing people to do lol
Not everyone is like this, most people don’t write statuses at all and when they do they are a mixture and I like reading these peoples statuses because it reassures me that sometimes what I am going through isn’t because of my ‘illness’ its because I am a mum, partner and homemaker.
I feel I am more consious of what I write nowadays and try not to write negative things or even go on facebook when I am in a bad mood or feeling depressed as I know it can and will trigger me. I try to keep my facebook about making memories, putting pics up of the kids, writing statuses of things that I don’t want to forget so occassionally I go back through the years and remind myself of all the good stuff we have been up to as a family, kids first trip to somewhere, first words etc. I am not suggesting I have never ranted or moaned as I have (I can remember quite a few of them, most recently about my boiler breaking) but I try and keep it balanced as I don’t want people to think I am super mum or an eeyore. I want people to think I am me, I am like everyone one else, I have good and bad days and cherish the good and move on from bad, I don’t know if this is actually how I come across but I hope I do. Although I am pretty sure I just come across as a mum spending her day taking pictures of herself and her kids and watching the twins make a mess but these are the memories I want to remember and look back on and say ‘I miss those days’ rather than looking back on it and thinking ‘god I was depressing’ or ‘my life was so hard then’ as that isn’t the part you want to remember when u look back on your kids childhoods, you want to remember the time they shoved 6 toilet rolls down the toilet and flushed it because in a few years 1 it will be funny by then and 2 it is gunna embarass them rotten!!